Not all of life’s relationships end in success. Here’s how you can not let those that got away drag … [+] you down.

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Many individuals come to therapy because they’re hurting from a relationship that didn’t end well. They could say things like “I wish I could return in time to make things prove in another way” or “I don’t know the way I’ll have the ability to survive without him/her in my life.”

But the reality is that all of us have an incredible ability to bounce back from even the toughest splits. Listed here are three techniques you need to use to counteract the sting of a failed relationship.

#1. Failure is in the attention of the beholder

The term ‘failed relationship’ is a misnomer. Sure, relationships won’t work out as we had hoped, but that doesn’t make them failures. Unfortunately, our brains generally tend to categorize people, events, and things into concrete, black-and-white categories. It helps us make sense of the messy, information-overloaded world we live in.

Within the case of a ‘failed relationship,’ it’s essential to do not forget that there’s all the time more nuance to the situation than your brain likes to simply accept. Failed relationships often have their very own mini-successes. Perhaps you learned something about yourself that you simply didn’t know prior to the connection. Perhaps you took up a recent activity, hobby, or routine due to the relationship. Perhaps you saw a recent a part of the world or discovered a recent health habit. Perhaps you might have a greater idea of what you’d wish to see in your next relationship.

Do your best to avoid assigning value judgments to your past relationships, like saying ‘X’ was successful or ‘Y’ was a failure. As an alternative, accept the nuance that may be present in past relationships and learn from every experience, the nice ones and the bad ones.

#2. Use past relationships as a catalyst for change

Two things can occur after we experience a failure or setback. We will:

1. Disengage from future opportunities for self-improvement
2. Lean in and use the failure as fuel for self-growth

Try your best to follow step two. When you’re having difficulty finding the motivation to get back in your feet after a nasty breakup, therapy may help. Often, what a mental health skilled will enable you to discover is that you simply’re taking up far an excessive amount of self-blame for the course of events that led to the split. You could be underestimating how much of life’s twists and turns are simply out of your control. This mode of considering may cause problems in other domains as well, akin to in parenting and skilled pursuits.

It’s comforting to remind ourselves that we will’t control the longer term. We will’t control the alternatives other people make. We will’t force ourselves right into a reality which will or may not come to pass.

What we will control are our thoughts, emotions, actions, and behaviors. The higher we get at guiding our own ship, the less affected we turn into by the myriad of things beyond our control.

#3. Don’t give romance more due than it deserves

It’s also essential to take into accout that each one of life’s relationships are meaningful. So, after we speak about ‘failed relationships,’ it doesn’t need to mean a failed romance. We will experience profession breakups or family rifts that affect us just as deeply as a lost romance.

Furthermore, after we experience a nasty breakup, we will find comfort within the relationships we share with members of the family, friends, and associates. So, be cautious not to place your love life on such a pedestal that you simply alienate your other close relationships. (By the identical token, watch out to not alienate your romantic partner by investing an excessive amount of in other relationships.)

Certainly one of the keys to healthy living, and longevity, is growing and maintaining many strong points of social contact. Cherish the bonds you might have with all of the people in your life and community. Do your best to assist others and provides back when you’ll be able to. The strength we derive from our connections with others is probably our strongest resource, and definitely the most effective antidote to moving past a failed relationship.

Conclusion

People inevitably come and go over the course of our lives. To reply positively to relationship losses, do your best to (1) avoid defining anything as a ‘failure,’ (2) reflect on any positives you’ll be able to take away from the experience, and (3) cherish your other social bonds and use them as a source of strength.