Not all of life’s relationships end in success. Here’s easy methods to not let those that got away drag … [+] you down.

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Many individuals come to therapy because they’re hurting from a relationship that didn’t end well. They might say things like “I wish I could return in time to make things prove in another way” or “I don’t understand how I’ll give you the option to survive without him/her in my life.”

But the reality is that all of us have an incredible ability to bounce back from even the toughest splits. Listed below are three techniques you should use to counteract the sting of a failed relationship.

#1. Failure is in the attention of the beholder

The term ‘failed relationship’ is a misnomer. Sure, relationships won’t work out as we had hoped, but that doesn’t make them failures. Unfortunately, our brains generally tend to categorize people, events, and things into concrete, black-and-white categories. It helps us make sense of the messy, information-overloaded world we live in.

Within the case of a ‘failed relationship,’ it’s necessary to do not forget that there’s all the time more nuance to the situation than your brain likes to simply accept. Failed relationships often have their very own mini-successes. Perhaps you learned something about yourself that you just didn’t know prior to the connection. Perhaps you took up a recent activity, hobby, or routine due to the relationship. Perhaps you saw a recent a part of the world or discovered a recent health habit. Perhaps you may have a greater idea of what you’d prefer to see in your next relationship.

Do your best to avoid assigning value judgments to your past relationships, like saying ‘X’ was successful or ‘Y’ was a failure. As a substitute, accept the nuance that will be present in past relationships and learn from every experience, the great ones and the bad ones.

#2. Use past relationships as a catalyst for change

Two things can occur after we experience a failure or setback. We are able to:

1. Disengage from future opportunities for self-improvement
2. Lean in and use the failure as fuel for self-growth

Try your best to follow step two. For those who’re having difficulty finding the motivation to get back in your feet after a foul breakup, therapy may also help. Often, what a mental health skilled will aid you discover is that you just’re taking up far an excessive amount of self-blame for the course of events that led to the split. You might be underestimating how much of life’s twists and turns are simply out of your control. This mode of pondering could cause problems in other domains as well, similar to in parenting and skilled pursuits.

It’s comforting to remind ourselves that we will’t control the long run. We are able to’t control the alternatives other people make. We are able to’t force ourselves right into a reality that will or may not come to pass.

What we will control are our thoughts, emotions, actions, and behaviors. The higher we get at guiding our own ship, the less affected we turn out to be by the myriad of things beyond our control.

#3. Don’t give romance more due than it deserves

It’s also necessary to take note that every one of life’s relationships are meaningful. So, once we discuss ‘failed relationships,’ it doesn’t need to mean a failed romance. We are able to experience profession breakups or family rifts that affect us just as deeply as a lost romance.

Furthermore, once we experience a foul breakup, we will find comfort within the relationships we share with relations, friends, and colleagues. So, be cautious not to place your love life on such a pedestal that you just alienate your other close relationships. (By the identical token, watch out to not alienate your romantic partner by investing an excessive amount of in other relationships.)

Considered one of the keys to healthy living, and longevity, is growing and maintaining many strong points of social contact. Cherish the bonds you may have with all of the people in your life and community. Do your best to assist others and provides back when you possibly can. The strength we derive from our connections with others is probably our strongest resource, and definitely the very best antidote to moving past a failed relationship.

Conclusion

People inevitably come and go over the course of our lives. To reply positively to relationship losses, do your best to (1) avoid defining anything as a ‘failure,’ (2) reflect on any positives you possibly can take away from the experience, and (3) cherish your other social bonds and use them as a source of strength.